Make Your Own Uncool
The Sincerity of Trying Hard
Have you ever watched a a toddler attempt to do something new? Their furrowed brow, tongue sticking out, intense focus to figure something out. The purity of their effort is mesmerizing. They are trying so hard.
I have a tendency to feel hopeful and optimistic when I witness someone trying. There is nothing so vulnerable, so sincere. Trying requires effort. And effort is often considered uncool. The romantic idea that things should come naturally is overrated. I embrace the uncool. As artist Sol DeWitt said when advising artist Eva Hesse:
“Don’t worry about cool, make your own uncool”.
My heart opens when people try. My clients who have the hard conversation, experiment on LinkedIn, attend an event alone, ask for more, give their kids space, set a boundary. All of this is in an effort to take the bull by the horns. Trying to improve their life.
This past week my husband and I rented a beach house and we entertained all week. I don’t usually host this much so I had to figure things out. How do I make people feel welcome, cared for, ensure they feel at home? I don’t know, but I did some research, came up with some ideas and implemented them the best I could. I brought recipes of things I thought would be delicious and not too much work. I tried so hard, I am sure I did not look suave like Martha Stewart or Ina Garten. But I hope the guests knew that I cared. I cared that they enjoyed themselves and I made sure to enjoy myself too. And then I slept for two days straight after everyone left. I am not a gourmet cook. I am not particularly neat. I am not high energy. So I hosted my way and to the best of my ability. And I tried really hard.
What do you want to try to do? What may not come naturally but is worth the effort? What if you don’t look very cool while trying? Can you create your own uncool?
Scroll down for:
“Oh, That Didn’t Go Well”… Conversations with Teens
Caring for Ivy
Are We All Just Jealous of Sydney Sweeney
10 Harsh Truths about Eating Disorder Prevention and Body Image Resilience
Scroll Down to find out What I Am Reading Now…(I’ve been busy reading—so lots of books to share this newsletter)
PS: If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click the ❤️ button. It makes my day and also helps spread the word about my newsletter.
“Oh, That Didn’t Go Well”….. Conversations with Teens
If you ever want a reminder about how uncool you really are, hang out with a teenager :).
Caring for Ivy
When my dog Ivy was sick, I became an olympic “trier”. I did everything i could to care for her. It did not look slick or easy. It was hard and emotional. But I worked hard to figure out how to care for her and I did the best I could.
Are we all just jealous of Sydney Sweeney: Challenging this misinformed tirade on social media.
“This essay addresses the common argument circulating on social media that criticism of the American Eagle ad is “just jealousy”. That claim completely misses the point — but even if jealousy is part of the reaction, it deserves a closer look.”
I personally am fascinated by jealousy. People hate to admit when they are jealous. They see jealousy as a sign of weakness. But we all have jealousy and acknowledging and confronting it leads to true self-awareness and vulnerability.
always has nuanced approach to complicated topics. Read this blog for more…10 Harsh Truths about Eating Disorder Prevention and Body Image Resilience
Every parent should read this. We all need to take a look at our own relationship with food and our bodies so we don’t pass shame and suffering onto our kids.
The Bright Years by Sarah Damoff
One family. Four generations. A secret son. A devastating addiction. A Texas family is met with losses and surprises of inheritance, but they’re unable to shake the pull back toward each other in this family saga perfect for readers of Mary Beth Keane and Claire Lombardo.
“Outstanding...through Damoff’s beautiful, at times almost poetic narrative, we see hope through the darkness, and how love—and forgiveness—can make us whole.” —Elle
Ryan and Lillian Bright are deeply in love, recently married, and now parents to a baby girl, Georgette. But Lillian has a son she hasn’t told Ryan about, and Ryan has an alcohol addiction he hasn’t told Lillian about, so Georgette comes of age watching their marriage rise and fall.
When a shocking blow scatters their fragile trio, Georgette tries to distance herself from reminders of her parents. Years later, Lillian’s son comes searching for his birth family, so Georgette must return to her roots, unearth her family’s history, and decide whether she can open up to love for them—or herself—while there’s still time.
Told from three intimate points of view, The Bright Years is a tender, true-to-life, debut that explores the impact of each generation in a family torn apart by tragedy but, over time, restored by the power of grace and love.
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So Far Gone by Jess Walter
"A warm, funny, loving novel. . . . It's an American original."—Ann Patchett, New York Times bestselling author of Tom Lake
"Who better to give us the latest version of a recluse with a heart of gold than Walter?... It’s a gleeful, kooky and tender homage to Charles Portis’ “True Grit” with echoes of Tom Robbins and yes, Elinor Lipman too.” — Los Angeles Times
From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Beautiful Ruins—and in the propulsive spirit of Charles Portis’ True Grit—comes a hilarious, empathetic, and brilliantly provocative adventure through life in modern America, about a reclusive journalist forced back into the world to rescue his kidnapped grandchildren.
Rhys Kinnick has gone off the grid. At Thanksgiving a few years back, a fed-up Rhys punched his conspiracy-theorist son-in-law in the mouth, chucked his smartphone out a car window and fled for a cabin in the woods, with no one around except a pack of hungry raccoons.
Now Kinnick’s old life is about to land right back on his crumbling doorstep. Can this failed husband and father, a man with no internet and a car that barely runs, reemerge into a broken world to track down his missing daughter and save his sweet, precocious grandchildren from the members of a dangerous militia?
With the help of his caustic ex-girlfriend, a bipolar retired detective, and his only friend (who happens to be furious with him), Kinnick heads off on a wild journey through cultural lunacy and the rubble of a life he thought he’d left behind. So Far Gone is a rollicking, razor-sharp, and moving road trip through a fractured nation, from a writer who has been called “a genius of the modern American moment” (Philadelphia Inquirer).
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Broken Country by Claire Leslie Hall
A REESE’S BOOK CLUB PICK | A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
“Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall is an unforgettable story of love, loss, and the choices that shape our lives…but it’s also a masterfully crafted mystery that will keep you guessing until the very last page. Seriously, that ending?! I did not see it coming.” —Reese Witherspoon
“Stirring and mysterious…fires directly at the human heart and hits the mark.” —Delia Owens, New York Times bestselling author of Where the Crawdads Sing
A love triangle unearths dangerous, deadly secrets from the past in this thrilling tale perfect for fans of The Paper Palace and Where the Crawdads Sing.
“The farmer is dead. He is dead, and all anyone wants to know is who killed him.”
Beth and her gentle, kind husband Frank are happily married, but their relationship relies on the past staying buried. But when Beth’s brother-in-law shoots a dog going after their sheep, Beth doesn’t realize that the gunshot will alter the course of their lives. For the dog belonged to none other than Gabriel Wolfe, the man Beth loved as a teenager—the man who broke her heart years ago. Gabriel has returned to the village with his young son Leo, a boy who reminds Beth very much of her own son, who died in a tragic accident.
As Beth is pulled back into Gabriel’s life, tensions around the village rise and dangerous secrets and jealousies from the past resurface, this time with deadly consequences. Beth is forced to make a choice between the woman she once was, and the woman she has become.
A sweeping love story with the pace and twists of a thriller, Broken Country is a novel of simmering passion, impossible choices, and explosive consequences that toggles between the past and present to explore the far-reaching legacy of first love.
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The Satisfaction Cafe by Kathy Wang
How do we live so that we are satisfied? How can people connect during moments of loneliness? This is the story of Joan Liang, a woman who moves across the world to America, and in trying to answer these questions builds a wildly original life.
Joan’s life is a series of unexpected events: she never thought she would live in California, nor did she expect her first marriage to implode—especially as quickly and spectacularly as it did. She definitely did not expect to fall in love with an older, wealthy American man and become his fourth wife and mother to his youngest children.
Joan and her children grow older, and one day she makes a drastic change: she opens the Satisfaction Café, a place where customers can find connection through conversation. With humor and grace, Joan creates a space for meaningful relationships and constructs a lasting legacy.
Vivid, comic, and profoundly moving, The Satisfaction Café is a novel about found family, the joy and loneliness that come with age, and how we can seek satisfaction at any stage of life. This is a novel of tremendous pleasures: sentences that teem with rich observations, wonderful plotting, and, in Joan, a protagonist for the ages.
Excellent as always and thank you for the mention 💜💜
Love your story. I love to host, but after years of hosting and then crashing (like you did), I’ve decided to do things much differently. I now only host friends who energize me fully and with whom I don’t have to ‘try hard.’ Friends who are more like family. Where I feel I can park my old perfectionist self down the road (she’s so hard to unload). So there may be doggie fur on the floor…but we’re enjoying each other too much to care. When I host people like that and in this manner, I feel energized and I no longer crash! And that’s the best part of it all.